another normal day ~

Have you ever been face to face with an angry raccoon?  I mean really FACE to FACE ~ like within inches of an angry, scared, I'm gonna chew you up raccoon.

Being the trappers wife I have come across some pretty strange predicaments traveling with that man of mine.  A few days back he had a raccoon in a trap.  It was caught by just it's toe and it could have easily pulled out; but it didn't.  The raccoon was small and Dear Hubby wanted to release it.  Normally he has a catch pole that he uses for that purpose.  I'm sure you've seen them before ~ if not in person on some TV show where you see the dog catcher slipping one on a dogs neck.  It's a very humane way of catching and releasing an animal. 

Notice ~ I said 'normally' this is how he goes about releasing animals; but not this time.   This time, I imagine because it was raining and it was too far to walk back to the truck (about 20 feet) ... AND ... since Dear Wifey (me ... the love of his life)  was along he figured I could give him a little assistance in it's release.

  Okay ... I'm game dear ~ what do you want me to do?? My first mistake.  He says, "help me find a crotch stick".  He grabs a limb from a tree laying on the ground with a Y in the branch ~ the slang for it is a 'crotch stick'.

 How it's used to release an animal ~ you slip the Y over the animals head and hold it firmly to the ground so it can't squirm around and fight, then you simply slip the trap off.  Releasing the stick, the animal runs off unharmed.  

Well ... on our first attempt to hold down the coon, the coon takes a bite at the stick and one of the uprights on the Y breaks off.   Time for Plan B. 

Now... normally ... wouldn't you think Plan B would be to walk back that 20 feet to  the truck and grab the catch pole?? 


Plan B was find a bigger stick.  AND ... have me hold that squirming, hissing coon down while he released it. 

BUT ~ Plan B failed miserably.

As I went to put pressure on the bigger stick, to hold him down, the stick breaks.  Down I fall ~ face to face ... within inches of this snarling, lip smacking, teeth clacking, hissing, clawing raccoon.  AND to top it off ~ as I'm laying there in the rain, in fear of getting gnawed on I get the most humongous cramp in the right cheek of my butt and down to the back of my knee that I've ever had.  I couldn NOT get up. 

I'm laying there, writhing in pain, Slim has already released the raccoon, as it was distracted at trying to figure out how to attack me; but it still didn't take off.  The coon is ticked and he's hissing like crazy, it's really really ticked off and unaware that it's even free to run away.  All it's thinking about is getting me.

 Slim is yelling at me ... "move! move! he's gonna bite ya!"  I'm yelling back ... "I CAN'T MOVE I HAVE A CRAMP IN MY ASS!!"  Slim then ... in the calmest voice ever ... says, "seriously?"  "HELL YEAH SERIOUSLY! HELP ME!!"  Now, I'm in a real panic.  I closed my eyes and was just waiting for it to happen.  I just knew that coon was going to be on me in a matter of micro seconds and was going to gnaw up my face. 

As I'm laying there, for what seemed an eternity ... as if time was moving in slow motion ... Slim starts laughing!! "Oh Baby ~ I wouldn't let that coon eat you up.  Open your eyes.  I'd jump him and wrestle him off you if I had too.  It's safe.  He's gone off."  Boy, that sure didn't sound very sincere,  it sounded rather sarcastic if truth be told. 

I open my eyes, he's not gone ...  he's now sitting about five feet away from me hovered down in a small hollow by a stump.  Actually looking pretty harmless and more scared then anything now. 

After Slim chased the raccoon off a bit further, at my insistance, he finally helps me up and back to the truck ... still laughing.

  That was four days ago and my hind quarters still hurts!  I guess when you pull a muscle in the gluteus maximus  my size it'll take a few days to settle down.  As for my helping Dear Hubby by holding a crotch stick for him in the near future ~ not happening!  We'll see how long he keeps laughing over this one.

Another normal day.

Until next time ...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


  1. OHMYHELL-O! Girl, you made this sound funny, but I'm pretty sure it was anything but, at the time.

    I get those cramps in my right butt cheek, from stepping up into our SUV. They hurt like the dickens! You might try threatening Slim with a crotch stick, for good measure.

  2. Oh good Lord...I have been up and close with growling coons and you came up closer then i would ever want to be!!!

    Heres to a good healing to your gluteus maximus...!?


  3. I'm sorry for your cramp and near attack but I'll tell you it had me laughing at breakfast this morning as I read your raccoon story! Funny. Next time get the pole!!!

  4. That is one ticked off raccoon. Glad your story did not get any worse. Next time, put the release pole around Slim's neck so he won't forget it.

  5. I'm sure it wasn't funny to you while it was happening, but you had me laughing out loud reading this. ;-) Glad the coon didn't get you...

  6. Glad that thing didn't jump in your face. I don't blame you. Those trapping days with Slim should be gone.

  7. the y stick would be used on hubby...

  8. Your knight in shining armor~~~~~~~ I am so glad your story ended well. It could have been ugly!!!

  9. Umm... personally, I would give CROTCH STICK a whole new meaning ~ and Slim wouldn't be the one laughing. lol
    'love & hugs from afar'

  10. ROFL, sorry Sis, but I agree with Cher...our hubbys need a little 'controlling ' sometimes...glad to see you this morning, unscathed.

  11. ROFL, sorry Sis, but I agree with Cher...our hubbys need a little 'controlling ' sometimes...glad to see you this morning, unscathed.

  12. Okay, I didn't mean to laugh, but I did. You are a great story teller, I am sure it wasn't even close to this. YOU MADE IT ALL UP!

    I know Slim reached out and grabbed that sucker and threw him off in the woods. SWIFTLY LIFTED YOU UP AND ASKED, ARE YOU OKAY HONEY? Can I get you a beer or something? LOL

    You are something else. I have seen a couple mad animals, but never up close and personal, I have heard only one mad coon but I would have had more than a cramp in my rear if I had been that close. Glad you are okay. OUCH! again, about the cramp.
    One thing I can say, you and Slim have interesting lives. LOL
    Take care, sending love, hugs and best wishes from South Carolina. Cool and rainy here.
    Sherry & Jack

  13. Wow! That was a funny story.(Sorry didn't mean to laugh) I'm glad the coon we saw on the back forty yesterday was being devoured by buzzards.

  14. After reading this post and the follow up comments, Mel, I am not sure whether or not all the events happened, exactly as retold, but glad everyone was safe and the coon was gone and hopefully not to return.