john and dylan

It was Geek Day at school ...
I couldn't resist doing a scrapbook page.
John and Dylan didn't even have to dress up! lol


ghost or guardian angels~

Once again, my friend Dee has made a post on her blog that has inspired me to post about something that has happened to me. Thanks Dee for rattling my brain cells... lol

This is a true story:

Back in 1988, after the death of my mother-in-law, Jean, the hubby and I bought the old farm house that his parents owned.  The house was originally built in the 1920's by Slim's Great Grandpa Henry R. and his Great Grandma Alta.  Besides his great grandparents living there his Great Uncle Fritz also lived there.

In 1977, after Great Grandpa Henry went into a nursing home, Great Grandma has already passed and Uncle Fritz was in a nursing home, Slim's parents, Punk and Jean bought the farm house.  They did extensive remodeling of it at the time of the rooms; but nothing with the actual structure of the home.  While we lived in the house from 1986 until we moved out in 1998 we did a bit of remodeling also, just updating it from the 70's look carpeting, wall coverings, sanding down the floors to their original beauty,etc... but we never did anything either as far as the major construction that the house needed.  It was starting to get into a bit of despair.  It needed a whole new foundation put under it.

The basement walls were made of stacked and motored stone ~ and they were crumbling.  It was nothing to be walking down the basement stairway and have a rock fall out of the wall on you.  Also, the main support beams under the floor and on the basement ceiling were nothing more than these big old tamarck poles, that we remember Grandpa telling us about ~ how they dragged them up out of the swamp with a horse and oxen.  These poles were rotting from moisture from the constant water that the basement kept filling up with.

Because of the major cost of repairs we got some estimates and found that we could build a new house for about the same cost of fixing up the old.  So this was the reason for our moving ~ plus... I was ready to leave the ghosts behind.

Anyways... on to the paranormal happenings ~ 

Between the time frame of 1977 and 1986 while Slim's parents were living at the house, Grandpa Henry and Uncle Fritz also passed away.  This was the beginning of my mother-in-laws paranormal experiences.  On several occasions she had mentioned to me that she thought the house was haunted.  Of course, I wanted to know why.  She would tell me stories of hearing footsteps on the upstairs stairwell, of chairs being moved from one place to another, of a rocking chair that would be rocking when she walked into a room, of the feeling that someone just walked past her.  She would also tell me stories about her putting her necklaces on a jewelry stand on her dresser in the evening when she'd go to bed and in the morning the necklace would be laying on her dresser ~ off the stand.  It was little things like this that would happen to her all the time, but the biggest thing that would occur would be the sound of music.

Jean would hear music playing in other rooms.  Most of the time she said it sounded like an old piano playing or the sound of a chord organ.  Whenever this would happen to her she was always alone in the house.  She would tell Punky about it; and he'd just laugh it off.  I didn't laugh it off... and neither did Jean.  She was dead serious when she'd tell me about these happenings.

I had asked her if she was scared when it happened.  Her answer to me was that it frightened her when it first started happening; then after awhile she thought that it was just Henry and Fritz playing games with her and it didn't bother her anymore.  What bothered her was the fact that it only happened to her and not her husband or kids. 

This might be a good time for you to go pee and refresh your cup of coffee or can of soda and come back to reading; because this post (I have a feeling) is going to be a long winded one.

You're back.  Okay...

After Jean had passed away in 1986 from melanoma cancer, at the young age of 48, Slim's dad, Punky, remarried two years later and moved into town.  This was when we bought the house from him.

When Punk moved out, he left behind much of the furnishings that were still left in the house after he and Jean had bought the place.  This is where many of the antique furnishings that I still have came from.  Jean wasn't into the antiques like I am; so all the stuff left behind from Great Grandpa and Grandma was just put into the upstairs attic and closets.

When we moved in our girls, Staci and Sara were ages 11 and 9.  We never talked about anything strange ever happening in the house in front of the girls.  We did not want to scare them.  In fact, when I would bring up the subject about strange happenings that Jean had told me about, Slim would laugh them off too, just like his dad did.

I have to admit, I was a little bit on edge when we first moved in because of the happening that Jean went through; but a whole year went by and nothing ever happened.  I never heard anything or felt anything abnormal at all.

Then in 1989, after the birth of our son Sam, things began to happen.  Staci and Sara began having a hard time sleeping through the night.  On many occasions, they would come downstairs from their upstairs bedrooms and wake me up saying they couldn't sleep.  When I'd ask why I would get these types of responses from them. "I feel like someones breathing on me." "The wall was moving." "I hear someone walking in the hallway." "Something touched my face."

Of course, I wasn't about to let the girls know that I believed them!  I would always just gently guide them back to bed or let them sleep downstairs on the living room couch telling them that they just had a bad dream.

Then things started happening to me.  I started to hear the music... but only after we were going through the attic one day and came across an old electric chord organ that was tucked away from when Slim and his brothers were little kids.  It was a gift from his Great Grandpa Henry when they were little.  We cleaned it up and plugged it in and it still worked.  So we set it up for the girls in their playroom at the top of the stairs.

Now ~ if you're doing the math and looking at the dates are you saying... 'it took you how long to come across this chord organ?'  The attic and upstairs closets in that house had so much stuff in it you wouldn't believe!  They threw NOTHING away!! They were full of furniture, dishes, old receipts, medicine bottles, old makeup, purses, books, clothes, all the old dresser drawers were stuffed, they tossed nothing; everything that was ever bought into that house was still there ... right down to old gum wrappers.  Yes... it took me two years to get through it all.

Now on to my paranormal happenings ~

I can't begin to count how many times I would go upstairs to turn off the chord organ in the kids playroom.  I would always be standing downstairs and I would hear music.  Little tunes being played very quietly on the chord organ.  I would go upstairs, and it would be turned on ... the kids would be at school or in another room ... not even playing with it and it would be on.  I'd turn it off ... go back downstairs and  I'd hear it playing again.  Same routine... I'd go shut it off and it'd come back on.  This happened sooooooo many times to me.  A couple of times I would even go so far as to unplug it and I would still hear music! I'd go back upstairs and it would be plugged back in!!

I didn't want to freak the kids out about it; because they really liked playing with it so I didn't get rid of it.  I also started to hear footsteps on the stairwell.  I'd look... and of course, no one was ever there.  Also, like Jean would experience, I would see the rocking chair moving on several occasions.  Like her too, it frightened me at first, then I too just let myself believe that it was just Grandpa Henry and Uncle Fritz pulling pranks and not to let it scare me.

What really scared me was the fact that the girls just couldn't sleep well at night and they too began telling me more and more about things happening to them... and yet I still kept quiet about the happenings because no one would believe me when I talked about them; and I didn't want the girls to know that I believed them and to be afraid of ghost.

Then the clincher...
One day the girls were upstairs playing in their bedrooms.  I heard the chord organ playing again.  I called up the stairs to them to turn off the chord organ if they were done playing with it.  They both said they weren't playing with it and that they couldn't shut it off.  I go upstairs to check this out.  What do you mean you can't shut it off?  Sure enough, when you'd hit the shut off button on it ... it wouldn't turn off.  Okay... enough of that business.  I unplugged it and took it downstairs and straight out to the garage.  It was going to the dump.

I was expecting the girls to put up a fuss about me throwing away one of their favorite toys; but quite the opposite.  Both girls were so happy to see me toss the chord organ out.  They both said they were tired of listening to it play all night long.  Okay... I'm freaked.

The next day, the girls are off to school ~ Slim is at work ... I'm standing in the kitchen which is right at the bottom of the stairway ... the house is quiet ... with just the background sound of the television in the living room and what do I hear? Yep... the chord organ music.

I've had it!!  I had a shout out with Great Grandpa and Uncle Fritz.
"I don't know if it's you two old codgers or not; but whoever you are this is war!"  "I live here now and if you want to keep freaking me out you go right ahead; but you leave my little babies alone!"

The music stopped.

That night when I went to bed I was laying there, just about to doze off when I saw a shadow in the doorway.  I thought to myself, oh great ... now they're pissed and coming to get me... but then I really looked hard at the shadow and I wasn't scared at all.  It was my mother-in-law Jean.  She was standing there in the doorway as clear as if she was standing in the room right next to me now.

She walked across the bedroom over towards the crib where Sam was sleeping then she turned and went towards the kitchen.  I got up out of bed and followed her.  She moved up the stairwell and I followed her.  She then went into Staci's room and bowed over her and kissed her on her forehead, then she went into Sara's room and kissed her forehead... and as silently as she appeared ... she was gone.

I can't even begin to tell you how I felt at that moment.  I know it was her... I know she was at that moment our guardian angel and she was here to let us know that she was looking out for us.  I was never frightened to live in that house again.

The next morning, I thought I would just keep quiet about what I saw and see if the girls would say anything.  Sure enough, Sara came downstairs that morning and said, "Momma, Grandma Jean kissed me last night."  I said, "I know."  That was the only thing we ever said about it.

Two weeks later, Staci came up to me and said she wanted to tell me something.  She said that she had a dream one night that Grandma Jean was in her room and kissed her.  I asked her if she was scared, and she said "no" and that was the end of that conversation.

So do I believe in ghost? yes ... and the chord organ music still continued; but only once in awhile ~ and the rocking chair still moved ... but did it scare me? no... it was just the old boys letting me know they were still around.  I just wish I could figure out why, whenever I was the one walking down to the basement, a rock would fall out of the wall. Was it Grandpa or Fritz showing me they were still there??

Do I believe in guardian angels? YES ... full heartedly!!!  We are being watched over.

Luke 4:10
For it is written:
He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully


Note: after we sold our house five different families lived in it in  ... we heard rumor that the place is haunted.

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


game nights~

Winter games are on ... not the Olympics; but sitting around the dining room table ones... and they can become as intense as an Olympic game.  It seems once the weather changes over to fall ~ then winter; is time for the card and board games to surface in the evenings at our house.  Last night it was the Phase 10 game and Racko.  Both of them are fun card games.  I got my butt kicked in both! Plus, I was even the score keeper ... what's wrong with that picture ... I'm so honest.

Other games that we play a lot of through out the winter months will be Cribbage, Smear, Scatagories, Scrabble, Sorry, Yhatzee, Boggle, Gestures, Monopoly, Battleship, Sharp Shooters, Rummikub, Shut Box, Dominoes, Taboo, Tripoley, Balderdash, Hunting Trivia Pursuit and our newest Tribond. Yes, we play a lot of games.

What else is there to do when the weather gets cool? make babies ... I don't think so!
My baby makin' days are long gone ...
now I just teach my baby's babies how to play board and card games. lol
We have a cute little fawn that's been visiting ... he's more like a preteen ... he's already outgrown his spots.  I've been putting some corn and apples out in the corner of the yard for him and for the birds.

Here he is with a leaf on his ear.
I'm trying to get myself into the holiday mode early this year.  I hate shopping in the stores; but like cruising the internet for good deals.  Any suggestions?
Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


back to reality~

Well I'm back to reality ~ if that's possible.

We had a nice time up at the cabin ... the weather was nice ~ one day.
It rained and rained, then it rained some more.
Last night it quit raining.
Then it snowed.

Our cabin: not the cutest or neatest place on earth ~ but it's the hunting shack and it sure does serve it's purpose as a place to get away from it all. 

A beaver pond ~ this gets Slim's adrenaline pumping ... the big trapper.  I was just hoping to see a moose walk out ... that gets my adrenaline pumping.

a beaver house:

Fresh beaver chewed sticks along the shoreline ... another adrenaline pumper for the big boy ~

Our friend, Porky, with a BIG beaver chewing of a birch tree. When the Big Slim sees signs of beaver like this by a pond you'd think he was going to have "the big one!"

The flowage:

By the dike ~ the water is so low ... and the stumps are plentiful.  You wouldn't want to be running your boat motor full bore through that mess.  You could walk for miles and miles along the shorelines right now.


an old land marker on a maple tree


Some pics of the different kinds of fir trees ~
blue spruce & balsam (round needled)

balsam (flat needled) the kind preferred for wreaths by the factories because they don't crush in shipping

Spruce have beautiful needles; but they won't stay on long enough for a wreath ~ and they are very prickly to handle... plus despite their beauty... they stink.  Balsam has a very nice scent to it. I like making wreaths with round needles because they make a very full looking wreath.

Tamarack has very soft needles; but they turn yellow and then fall off the trees in the winter months.

a chickadee
notice the snow!!!
What a difference a day makes.

zoomed ...

 ladder back woodpecker

Until next time ...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


vaaaa K~

I'm going to be gone for a few days; catch ya when I get back.  DH and I are heading off to the cabin for a few days. No phone, no internet.

 Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


it's a beautiful day ... somewhere~

It's a gorgeous sky this morning...
Showing signs of a beautiful day.

I sure hope mine gets better.  I've been out of bed since 4:00 a.m.   I went to bed around 9:00 last night and had just a horrible night of tossing and turning.  I'm in so much pain!  All night long I've was poppin' Ibupropen like they were Tic Tacs ... and I can't even tell that I took one... let alone a whole freakin' handful.
Now I have a stomach ache.
Can you OD on Pepto?

Okay ...

Time to quit my procrastinating and rely on my faith.

Psalms 118:24
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have said that verse ... and how many times it has given me comfort.  Why didn't I turn to the Lord about this sooner? 


Have a great day all my cyberspacers!

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


up north~

Tis the season up north for Christmas wreaths.  Or in our case... time to go and get the boughs for the wreath factories.  The guys have been going out every day trying to cut ~ weather permitting.  Yesterday, it was cool out; just above freezing ~ but nice enough to be out there cutting.  At least the snow has melted off and the boughs are dry.  There's nothing worse than cutting boughs in the rain and sleet and snow.  

Bailey and I even went along this trip.

Here's our foreman:

  She only lasted out in the woods with us for a little over an hour ... then it was constant, "I want to go and watch cartoons.  Can't we be done now?  I think I have to go back to the house and go potty.  Do you think Sponge Bob is on right now?  Is Dora on after Sponge Bob or before Sponge Bob? Do you think cartoons are on your TV?"  She sure wanted to be watching cartoons!  I could only bribe her so long with the cheese curds, and sausage links in the lunch pail and the coconut cookies and apple juice before I gave in to her and took her over to the farm to visit with her Great Grandma Obernberger for the rest of the afternoon.  Mom said she never realized how old she was getting until she spent the better part of a day with a little one that age.  Geeze Ma,  all you had to do was turn on cartoons!! 

Here's some more pics of the afternoon:

Slim - sorting the boughs before tying together in a bundle

"Ride 'em cowboy!" ... sitting on the boughs to make a tight bundle when tying.  He's giving me that "evil eye... you could be helping a little bit here" look and "quit saying ride 'em cowboy!" haha

carrying out another bundle to get tied

Sam... being Sam 
"Git yer monkey ass out of that tree and git cuttin'!"

half a load done

It really was a wonderful day in the woods.  I haven't been able to get out there as much as I like too; so I really enjoyed it.  I even cut around 7 bundles myself; so I was happy with my accomplishment.  One thing I wasn't happy with though was the fact that I got slapped across the face with a tree branch and broke my glasses right in half!  Now I have to wear my old pair until I can get hold of the clinic on Monday to order a new pair.  Bummer.

Oh well...

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


hot pizza dip~

Today is Boss Appreciation Day where my daughter Sara works.  It's also 'bring a dish to pass' for lunch ... so she made up a Hot Pizza Dip.
Just thought I'd share a pic of it before she leaves the house with it this morning.

Here's the recipe.  She got it from the Pampered Chef All The Best Cookbook:

1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon Pantry Italian Seasoning Mix
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese
3/4 cup (3 ounces) grated fresh Parmesan cheese
1 can (8 ounces) pizza sauce
1/4 cup diced green bell pepper, sliced green onions or chopped pitted ripe olives

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In Small Batter Bowl, combine cream cheese and seasoning mix; spread onto bottom of Mini-Baker.
2.  In small bowl, combine mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses.  Sprinkle half of the mozzarella cheese mixture over cream cheese mixture.  Top with pizza sauce, spreading evenly.   sprinkle with remaining mozzarella cheese mixture.  Bake 15-20 minutes or until bubbly.  Top with bell pepper.  Serve with Toasted Baguette Slices.

Yield: 2 1/2 cups (20 servings)


24 slices French bread, cut 1/4 inch thick
2 tablespoons olive oil

1.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Place bread slices on Rectangle Stone; lightly brush tops with olive oil.  Bake 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned.
Yield: 24 slices

AND NOW ~~~ I'm sharing a pic of the cook. 
My daughter Sara:


just another day~

image from the internet

I just love fall ~ and squash!

We took a drive today down by the  Mennonite community and went to the Morning Glory Gardens and Beaver Creek Bulk Foods stores.  They had the nicest squash on sale.  That is one veggie we don't grow in our own garden anymore, because we can buy it so reasonable from the farmers market.  For a great big blue hubbard squash we only had to pay $3.00 a piece... no matter what size.  The butternut, acorn, varigated acorn and buttercup squash ~ they were 3 squash for $2.00 ~ that's only $.66 each!   How can you go wrong with those prices.  Just for giggles and grins we weighed one of the butternut squash.  It weighed 6 lbs.  In our local grocery store right now squash is $.77 a lb.  So that squash alone would have cost us $4.62 in town, and we only paid $.66 for it.  Talk about a huge savings.  


image from the internet

Also,  we swung over to the Bletsoes Cheese Factory in Little Chicago and picked up some cheese curds ~ a 3lb. bag for around $8.00 and some fresh colby cheese, a 5 lb. block for around $14.00.  That's around $2.80 a lb.  There is nothing quite like biting into a fresh, straight from the factory cheese curd... that squeaks when you eat them.  yum!  I might have to deep fry some of them ~ if I can keep Slim and Sam from eating them up on me before hand.

Other than that... there really isn't that much going on around here.  The guys have been going out every day cutting balsam boughs.... for selling to the wreath factory.... trying to make some extra income for the holiday season; and hopefully enough to fund a pig hunt in Texas next February.  

I have been feeling a bit guilty ~ not being able to go out and get boughs with them; but I have been having terrible pain in my arms and hands again with these rotten fibromyalgia flair ups that I get.  I wish I could remember what a day without pain feels like.

They have also been doing a bit of fishing ~ when they get a chance.  We had a really nice meal of fresh walleye last night for supper ... can't complain about that.

Oh well...
Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.



carrot bread/cake~

I wish the computers had smellavision ~ then you could smell how delish my house smell right now.  I just whipped up a big double batch of carrot bread (5 loaves) and it left the nicest aroma while baking.

Here's the recipe: It makes a big batch!  It will make 2 loaf pans and 6 cupcakes or 2 bundt cakes or doubled will make 5 loaves 


4 Cups raw fine grated carrots
1 (20 oz.) can of crushed pineapple w/ juice
1 1/2 Cups Vegetable Oil
3 Cups white sugar
6 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. ground nutmeg
3 Cups Flour
3 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 Cups raisins
1 Cups flaked coconut

Step By Step

1.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Grease and flour two 10 inch Bundt pans or 2 loaf pans and 6 muffin tins or if doubled 5 loaf pans.

2.  Sift together flour, baking soda and salt.  Set aside.

3.  In a large bowl, combine carrots, pineapple, oil and sugar.  Add eggs, cinnamon and nutmeg.  Beat well.

4.  Add the flour mixture and mix well.  Stir in the raisins and coconut.

5.  Pour into prepared greased and floured pans.  Bake for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

If Bundt cake or muffins ~ allow to cool completely before frosting with Cream Cheese Frosting.


1 block of cream cheese (softened)
1/2 pound confectioners sugar
1/2 C. butter
1 tsp. vanilla

Cream the butter, vanilla and cream cheese.  Slowly beat in the powdered sugar adding a little milk if necessary to make desired thickness.


I also had to do a little patching job on Old Mr. Acid Pants.  Explanation ~ Dear Hubby is an engineer in the steam plant at the paper mill.  On occasion he has to work with some pretty caustic chemicals.  If he gets just the tiniest splash of acid on his blue jeans it will start out as just a little hole and by the end of the shift it will turn into a big hole.  If I went out and bought new pants for him every time he got splashed with acid ... I'd have to get a divorce; because I sure couldn't afford him.

So.... I sew patches on his work pants.

Here's a before:

and the After:

Not the prettiest looking pair of jeans; but good enough for his dirty job.


What else is new in the north woods ~ oh yeah...
Sam got the Thanksgiving turkey ~ and no Chuck... it doesn't say ButterBall on it's butt.

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


salt crystal garden & crayon sculpture~

My friend Dee made a post about doing a crystal growing project and it reminded me of the salt crystal gardens that we would grow as kids.  I think I was in 4-H or the girl scouts, or possibly it was a science project in school when I first learned how to make a salt garden.  After some digging around, I found the recipe.

image taken from the web

Mix Together:

4 tablespoons salt

4 tablespoons liquid bluing (it's in the laundry detergent area at the store)

4 tablespoons water

4 tablespoon ammonia

Place a couple pieces of porous rock or a couple pieces of charcoal briquettes in a shallow glass or plastic bowl.  
Pour the mixture over.  If you want colored crystals add just a few drops of various colors of liquid food coloring on the rock.  

Crystals will begin to grow in six hours and continue for up to a week, depending on the humidity, temperature, and how much airflow is present. Better air flow ... better crystals. To concentrate crystal growth on the charcoal and avoid them forming on the edge of the plate, coat the plate with Vaseline.

Briquettes aren't very good at drawing the liquid up so be sure to keep the level of the liquid at least half way up the side of the briquette.

Most recipes suggest sprinkling two more tablespoons of salt over the charcoal and on the first or second day to get the crystal growth off to a faster start.

Add more of the salt-bluing-ammonia-water mix starting on the third day to keep the crystals growing. Be careful to avoid dripping any of the new solution on the growing crystals or they will be damaged. In time the crystals may grow over the sides of the bowl.
As a kid, my siblings and I were always puttering around making things ... some of our 'projects' were really cool and some were down right dangerous.  Why my Mom let us do some of them I don't know. I guess you could say that she didn't mind us exploring what would happen; and what better way to learn than by experimentation.  Here's one particular project that was one of my favorites.

I call it the:

Melted Crayon Sculpture

Of course, if you try this ~ it's at your own risk.  I only burnt myself a couple times doing it and I learned really fast how to hold my hands when I made the plunge.

Here's what we'd do:

First ~ fill the kitchen sink full with cold water.

Then ~

Take little pieces of broken crayons and put them on an aluminum pie plate.  Cover the bottom of the pan with the crayons. Carefully, notice the word CAREFULLY you put the pie plate on the stove burner over low heat and melt the crayons.  Do not stir them.  They make a swirl of color as they melt.

Now ~ the dangerous, adventurous, inquisitive part:

Take the HOT pie plate off the burner.  Make sure you're using some old potholders that you don't mind getting wet.  

Carefully ... notice the word CAREFULLY again ...

Hold the pie plate so you just have a grip on it and try to keep your hands as far away from the edges as possible.

In one big motion PLUNGE the pie plate under the water. 

The melted crayon wax will rise to the surface and harden as it rises.  

Tip your creation over to let the excess water drip off.

Your creation is now ready to be decorated with tiny little toys such as miniature nicknacks like deer, bear, dolls,  glass menageries, etc... limited only by your imagination.  

Like I said ~ if you try this ~ please be careful.  Hot melted crayon wax stuck to your arm is quite painful.  

Like Mom would say, "bet you don't burn yourself like that again" ... lesson learned.

Even though I only had a few burn incidents it never stopped me from making these.  I use to just love seeing what different color combo's I could come up with.  I also use to like experimenting with how I would make the plunge into the cold water.  If you gave the pie plate just a little twisting action as it went in you could get a spiral looking sculpture.  

Ahh .... such memories.
Until next time....
So it goes in my neck of the woods.




After struggling with my blog it finally seems to be up and running smoothly again.  sighhhhhhhhhhhh of relief..... there are a few things in life that I really enjoy doing ... and blogging has turned out to be one of them.   I get a feeling of withdrawal if I can't get onto my blog or worse yet ... if I'm unable to connect to the internet.  How did I ever become so dependent upon this piece of technology?

I guess dependency upon something isn't bad; or is it?  I know I would live ... it certainly wouldn't kill me if I didn't have access to the world wide web but just knowing it's there makes me want to have it.

What the heck am I getting at here?  Talking about a dependency to the internet?  What's up Mel??? Spill your guts ... okay... 

Time for a true confession ~

I have a dependency on a horrible menace and I have been battling it for over 30 years going on what feels 300 years.

The blasted cigarettes!!!

How many times am I going to quit and really stay a quitter?????  Some days it really drives me insane!!  

Two years ago...

Dear Hubby, Slim was smoking  2 packs of cigs a day and I was smoking a pack ... sometimes a pack and a half a day.  

We both took the prescription drug Chantix ... and it worked.... for Slim anyways.  He hasn't had a smoke in over 2 years.  Myself on the other hand, sometimes I get such a craving it drives me goofy... yes... goofier than I normally am. 

I had a sit down chat on several occasions about this with my doctor about how bad these cravings of mine were.  Then he made the fatal mistake of showing me some of my medical records ... one of them being some xrays of my lungs.  He said that if he didn't know that I had smoked that long ... he never would have guessed it... because my lungs show absolutely no evidence of me ever having a smoking history.  

I know ... that doesn't give me the go ahead on smoking; but somehow in the back of my brain it just makes it that much harder to resist.  

My doc then put me on the prescription drug Buproprion.  This is an antidepressant drug.  I had a lot of stuff going on in my life at the time and it did seem to help.  It helped with my unbearable cravings and my feeling of such doom after all the trouble I was going through with my heart.  Yep... my heart... I know... and you still want to go and put a cigarette in your mouth and light up with a bum ticker.  What the hell is the matter with me??  I know ALL the do's and don'ts of what I should and shouldn't be doing.... but some days I really can't stand this!!!!! 

After a year or so on the Buproprion I started having some bad side effects from it ~ and I'm still wanting to have a smoke on occasion.  My doc then told me that I was better off having the cigarette when I really craved it ~ then taking the pills.... so that's what I did.  I'd slip away and smoke behind every ones back.

I'm no way smoking like I used to though.  Now a pack of cigs would last me over a week ... instead of a day.  Sometimes... a pack of cigs will even get me through 2 weeks ... and I keep on trying to quit.  I even go sometimes now up to 2 months ~ but damn, damn damn... what is the matter with me ...  I just can't seem to quit them 100%. 

I have such a dependency on them and it just gnaws at me that I give in to the cravings when I do.  I'm just like a bad alcoholic.  I take a drag on a cigarette and it just makes my whole demeanor change.  It relaxes me and makes me feel like I can cope better with things going on around me.  I KNOW... this is a cop out... but it's my cop out ... and it's really how I feel.

It's embarassing... it's such a feeling of shame... I let everyone around me down... but worse thing about it is how I let myself down.


This afternoon, after lunch ~ Slim went to lay down for awhile to catch a few zzz's before he has to go to work tonight on the graveyard shift at the paper mill.  I went in on the bed and snuggled up with him for a few minutes and he just casually says,  "your hair smells like smoke."

Dang... right away... I get on the defensive ~

"Well I did just come in from checking the woodstove. You know ... any time you walk out in that bait shop it smells like smoke in there...  and I was out there too, just a few minutes ago.  The kids are out there all the time and Sam and Sara both smoke and half of their friends that are always over here smoke in there too."

He just gives me the "well okay... you don't have to get all defensive on me about it ... I just mentioned that your hair smelled like smoke."

Then I did it ... after two years of sneaking around like a school girl behind his back ... I came clean with my confession about having a cigarette now and then. 

OMG ... now I really feel like crap.

I know he's going to be a pain about this ~ and he's going to be harping on me about it.

I know he's right . . .   but I hate how it's so easy for some people to quit and others have such a hard time; but I hated lying about this to him all this time. 

Right away... he tells me,"You're quitting! You think I didn't have cravings when I was quitting; you'll get over it.  You're quitting!"

Dang... as if I haven't tried. 

I wish I would have just kept my big mouth shut.

Oh gosh ... I'm in a pickle now. 
The cat is out of the bag.

Sorry to have dragged you into the drama of my life; but that's what you get for being so dependent on blogging. Ha!

Until next time....
So it goes in my neck of the woods.




I've been wrestling around with my blog here... can't seem to get my comments to work.  I'm also trying out some new backgrounds.  So please... bear with me on this and I'll be up and running as soon as I can figure this out or until I don't have a hair left on my head to pluck out.

looking out my window~

Looking out my window this morning and what do I see? SNOW!!!

Oh please Dear Lord... is it really necessary? Do we need it so soon?

Just yesterday I was commenting on the beautiful colors of the trees.  I haven't even raked up their leaves.

I know it's just a tease of what's to come;
but seriously Lord ...
I'm not laughing.