need a push~

There are all kinds of jokes and stories about the actions of drunks.  Having been a bartender in my past life, I've been subjected to many of them... I've heard them all... but this one ~ I think ... says it all:

NEED A PUSH

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, is standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself !"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
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to be 6 again ~

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife
turning back and forth, looking at herself  in the mirror.
Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like
to have for her  birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still  looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he  arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took  her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day ! He put her on  every ride in the park; the Death Slide,
The Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster...
everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head  was reeling and her stomach felt upside  down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered  her a Happy Meal
with extra fries and a chocolate  shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite
candy , M&M's.  What a fabulous  adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and  collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife  with a big smile and lovingly asked,
"Well Dear, what was it like  being six again ??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her  expression suddenly change;    
"I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass  !!"
  
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening,  he is going to get it wrong!!!!
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My blog post may be put on hold for a bit until I have access to a computer again.  We leave in the morning for our road trip; but I'll update when possible.  Love ya!!!

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.
~mel