the stinky stogie~

Last night ... I'm laying in bed ... TRYING to shut the brain down and all I could do was think about Dan K. ~ the husband of a former boss of mine, from a job I had at a supper club back in the 80's. 

Now Dan and I did not hit it off ~ I know... hard to believe; because I usually can get along with just about everyone I've ever met ... but there was just something about Dan that made me despise the guy.  Maybe it was this:

When I was first hired on the job as a prep cook ~ who came in during the day and made up salads, bread, dressings, croutons, soup, all the goodies that went on the salad bar, etc...  I also had to do a little cleaning before starting the kitchen work. 

My cleaning duties included vacuuming the dining room and bar lounge area and cleaning the bathrooms.  I know... disgusting... having to clean the dirty bathrooms ... then go into the kitchen and cook.  (after my incident with Dan though ... that changed).

Dan had it out for me right from the beginning.  At first, it was testing my trustworthiness.  You see, I had a key to the place and was always the first one there in the morning.  Now... I know Dan was always the last one there at night to lock up the place.  Besides being the boss' husband he was also the night time bartender.  I also knew that whenever there were tips left on the tables, the waitresses at night also retrieved them when they were cleaning up.  So there wasn't any money just laying around.  Or at least there shouldn't of been ... and there wasn't ... until Dan got there in the morning about a half hour to an hour behind me. 

I could walk past an area that I hadn't gotten to yet with my cleaning ~ a spot I had already gone past with a quick look over and all of a sudden there would be a dollar or two tucked under an ashtray, or laying on the floor.  I knew darn well that Dan had put it there to see what I would do with it.  I always did the same thing ... every time ... I would pick it up and lay it on the end of the bar where Dan always sat in the morning sipping on his orange juice ( I think it was really an OJ & vodka), smoking his stinky cigar and I'd say, "I found some tip money from last night and it's laying on the end of the bar." ... or something on that line.  Anyhooooooo.... I always turned the money over and never pocketed it.

Until ... 

I got so sick and tired of Dan's little game.  Oh it started out with just a dollar or two, then it was a ten or a five, on occasion a twenty dollar bill.  This went on for a good month.  The guy was nuts ...  YET ... I still turned in the money.

One morning ~ same thing ... only this time his wife (my boss ~ she always made it well know... she was the boss and Dan was just her husband and a hired bartender) was also sitting there with him while he was smoking the stinky stogie.  I walked past a table that I had already cleaned ... and there is a hundred dollar bill tucked under the ashtray... just peeking out so I could see that it was a hundred. 

I picked up that hundred dollar bill ... walked over by Dan and Madeline ... and said, "It's about time!  I was waiting for you to finally recognize my good work and leave me a big tip."  I pocketed the hundred dollar bill right there in front of the both of them. 

As I walked back to the kitchen to start my cooking job, I could hear Dan bitching because I took his money and Madeline was rolling in laughter.   Miraculously, the money laying around quit ... but ... did I open a can of whoop ass or what?

Apparently,  Dan didn't like that I did that to him ... in front of his wife.

~~ I know... this is a long winded post ... go get your coffee cup refilled ~~~ I'll wait.

You're back .... great! Thanks for sticking with me.

The continuing story:

After the money incident ~ Dan started to leave something else lay around.  It was his stinking stogie of a cigar. 

Every morning ... when I'd go to clean the men's bathroom ~ there it would be ... laying in the bottom of the urinal.  And, I ~ with my rubber gloved hand ~ would pick it out and put it in the garbage can. 

Oh MY GOD ... I wanted to puke!  I let him pull that stinky cigar in the urinal on me for a week ... then I blew!!  I just waited ... I knew one of these morning ~ Madeline would be sitting there at the bar with him and then I would go into action. 

Finally ... she came in early with him. 

They were both sitting there sipping the OJ and I came out of that bathroom with the stinky urine soaked stogie in my hand and I walked right over to Dan and put it right into his glass.   At the same time, I was telling Madeline I quit, I was done being treated like this and I was out of there.

Before I could get to the door ~  some negotiation was being done.

I got a substantial raise.  I became a full time day cook ... a cleaning lady was hired after Dan became the 'cleaning boy' for a couple weeks. 

Dan and I kept our distance ... but he did show me a little bit more respect ... but just a little though ... I'll share another story about that later. 

Also, one of my negotiations  ... Dan stayed out of my kitchen!

Until next time...
So it goes in my neck of the woods.


  1. OMG - what a flashback to that stinky cigar. He was a character for sure and not a nice one! I remember him shaking his cigar ashes into a batch of bread I was making. I went wild and then Madeline went wild - he left me alone after that incident. And remember their son's so called - homemade from scratch cake? Straight from a box. We could write a book on the days we shared in that kitchen and the drives past "Miss Daisies." lol

  2. I liked how you showed him up LOL. Helen

  3. what a jerk and you don't want to know what I really want to call him.

  4. LMAO...only you could put that SOB in his place. We loved your cooking Mel, so we came often but I gotta tell ya, I always felt sorry for anyone who had to tolerate that guy...oh ya, you didn't. Good for you. By the Way, what a horrible flash back when you're trying to get some serious sleep.

  5. enjoyed your story

    thanks for stopping by

    happy halloween!

  6. Oh wow...and I thought people had it out for me at my work. lol. That was Waaaaay obvious. Thanks for following my blog. I am loving yours!


  7. What a horrible character that guy was. And what a smart (and patient) cookie you were. I'm sure we've all seen some folks who were a bit difficult but this character seemed to deliberately do mean things.

  8. My kind of woman!!! Way to go Mel. No wonder Slim likes you (could be afraid to mess with you!!!) ha!
    One of the best true stories I have heard, I love the tip thing better than the stogie, but that was great. I just wondered if you were gonna dry out the stogie with urine on it for him.!!!

    Love it just waiting for the next story. The Stogie thing wasn't on Halloween by any chance, 'The Trick' and his 'Treat'.

    Love you lady, hug Slim for us!!!

  9. Enjoyed your story :-)

  10. You Go Girl...... I'm proud of you--standing up for yourself.... Old Dan sounds like a piece of work... Glad you put him in his place.... Yuk---- I hate those stinky cigars...

    How are you doing? Tell Dar HI for me.. I miss you both.

  11. Apparently he had troubles associating
    with the gentler gender.... trying to bring
    them down to his level....until he met
    his match in you...then he had to concede.

    Great the way you pocketed his $100.00 right
    in front of the two of them and she laughed
    about it. I KNOW you were worth it!

    Too funny.
    I wouldn't lose any sleep over it!:)